I am losing a certain touch, or not even a touch, but an outright handle in regards to my bearings. This is a definite free float. I’m at once bursting with worries, psychosomatic in their inducements of insomnia, dizziness, and bouts with narcolepsy and all the while feel as though I am blessed with a joy and entitlement to that joy stemming from a newly acquired and hopefully continuing life of writing and leisure.

This where I stand rather sit at the moment or rather again how I get to the place where I now sit: I wake around 8 in the am and make a pot of black as death coffee, boot up my aging Compaq 1700us laptop (born in 2001 which in computer years makes it something of an octogenarian), drink said coffee now brewed, sit alone in front a white screen that mimics the shape of actual standard 8x11 paper, and tap tentatively at the keys with just enough force to illicit a plastic scurrying sound but not attacking the keys with the amount of gusto needed to actually transmit the electrical pulses required to garner letters to not-so-magically appear on the white paper mimicry I call my, work.

All in all I am not doing so bad though. I do usually around hour two or so get actual words to form real life sentences creating thoughts in the reader (which I am the only one of). Am I getting this across? My point here and I don’t want to sound glib, is that this shit is fucking hard, difficult, taxing, tiring, impossible yet plausible and so forth and so on in into infitidum. Or I’m just really lazy and/or not very smart/creative/persistent.

But really what it comes down to is David Foster Wallace of whose style I am obviously egregiously ripping off right now as I write. I see why he does it. Fun, it’s really fucking fun. Unfortunately I am not any where near his intelligence quotient, probably an entire N.B.A. season worth of points between he and I. But, still it is fucking fun.

It feels good to eat day old pizza and type your own very poor man’s version of DFW stream of verbal hijacks. I just wish I could remember what the definition of tumescence was.